Monday, 10 August 2015

The Chocolate Ocelot's 2015 Fringe: Day Two

Sunday 9th August 2015

... and already I fall behind. Curse this mortal frame and its need for sleep. And cups of tea in bed. And frankly bland New 52 collections of Aquaman et al.

A busy day today, though I wisely missed the first gig - A History of Porridge, as it stated at 9 flippin am. Honestly, what time of day is that for breakfast?

Herself and CJ seemed to enjoy it. I thought up a name for a play based on seduction, betrayal and watery oat-based cereals: Gruel Intentions. If somebody else could just toddle off and actually write it, that'd be lovely.

On with the shows.

Have decided the restriction of the 5-7-5 haiku is a time-eater. Much like the Langoliers or the rubbish time lizards in that Dr Who episode.

Comedy Death: Comics Talking About Their Worst Gigs

Just the Tonic at the Caves, Niddry Street

Honourable mentions to Ed Hedges, Damo Clarke and host Javier Jarquin.

The Riddle of the Sphincter

Corporates and charity gigs
MK Dons fans vs Wimbledon AFC comics
Getting the audience to boo a disabled kid
Buying a cider for the woman with no kidneys
Knuckle chewing sphincter tightening death

National Museum of Scotland

Tea and Skeletons

Lovely layout.
Nice place for a tea.
Except the tea is crap.
Earl Grey tastes of ash tray.
Nice skeletons though.

Battle of the Superheroes

Laughing Horse at the Free Sisters

Hate the scrum at the Three Sisters. Far too crowded. Too many drinkers, sports screens and Kids In Pushchairs. A weird hodgepodge of the hoi polloi, all getting in between me and my intended show, hosted by comics fans Nik Coppin and Andrew Roper.

Niw Eht Rof Stenhsif

Hawkeye vs Green Arrow vs Zatanna
Three comics stating their case
The geeks in the crowd show off their knowledge:
Green Lantern's oath (some dude)
Mjolnir's inscription (me)
I am both cool and lame.

David Tsonos' Hawkeye for the win?
But no; Zatanna sweeps the board;
I shouldn't have brought up the fishnets.

National Library of Scotland

But We Didn't See Any Books

Nice displays of some archive
in the dark.
Reading rooms closed on a Sunday

Vampires in the Vault

Paradise in the Vault, Merchant Street (which, like the Portreeve's chamber, is a bugger to get to)

I do like a one-man - or one-woman - show. Glaswegian Marty Ross puts on a spirited performance of his own version of the tale of Hungarian Countess Bathory and her bathing in virgin blood.

Bloody countess

One man show
Bathory locked in the tower, emaciated, pleading to be free
The guard, curiously Glaswegian
Her tale is told to a girl
who frees her.

They descend to the laundry, the bleeding pit
Twist (ish) upon twist
An eccentric performance

Too long by twenty minutes
But that could have been the venue
Part corridor, part oven
And the seats were too close
Ooo me knees.

Terry Pratchett's Faust Eric

Paradise in Augustine's, George IV Bridge

Hooked back up with CJ and chum Goldberry for some Pratchett by Duck in a Hat Theatre.


Harry Potter: demon-summoner
Rincewind bound
wishes granted, time travelled
Squawky parrot and bureaucratic demons

Many quick changes
Remote controlled luggage
Nice giant book backdrop
Jolly entertaining

Burt Lancaster Pierced My Hymen (When I Was 11)

Just the Tonic at the Mash House

Pussy Dried Hash

Sara Mason
Somewhat bonkers
One-woman show
5 people in audience, in a roof
Photos of Burt on the backdrop

80% real Hollywood memoir
20% penis-transplant bullshit
Actually drug smuggling and child abuse
Christ she was sexually assaulted aged 11
by one of my favourite actors

I can never watch the Crimson Pirate again

Jethro Compton's Frontier Trilogy: The Rattlesnake's Kiss

C Nova, Victoria Street.

Last show of the day and my pick of the day. What sets this Jethro Compton production apart from most others at the fringe is that there's a proper set. I guess as they are running all three plays continuously every day, from the afternoon to midnight, nobody else is going to be using the space anyway. Beautiful set of a timber wild west chapel. We audience sit in pews along either side, with the action taking place to our left and right.

Awesome posters too.

Bought the book afterwards - all 3 plays by Samuel French plus a couple of short stories. Well done the weather-beaten cast: Chris Huntly-Turner, Jonathan Matthews, Bebe Sanders, Sam Donnelly.

Blind Vengeance

Sightless Padre
looks like Clancy Brown
Grinning US Marshall 
looks like Jeremy Davies in Lost
Sunburnt frontier folk
Runaway whore working the pig farm
Nasty man with waxed moustache

Justice, revenge, venom
A mineshaft in pitch darkness
(scene went on too long)
Guns drawn in the chapel
Shotgun preacher
A box full of snake


And back to base. Shattered.

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